What marriage is primarily about

When I hear complains of most of couples, they are usually caused by egoistic thoughts. They expect much from their spouses and when they couldn’t find what they think they should get, they start to complain and lose interest on their marriage.  They define happiness by having or possessing. But, happiness is the result of giving not getting.

“There is no happiness in having, or in getting, but only in giving.” Gary Thomas quoted Henry Drummond in his Book Devotions for a Sacred Marriage. Then he added, “And half the world is on the wrong scent in the pursuit of happiness. They think it consists in having and getting, and in being served by others. It consists in giving and serving others.”

We train ourselves to be happy by trying to get and possess what we think which makes us happy. However, there is no happiness in getting. The same theory applies for marriage too. We expect our spouses to make us happy. We usually expect that they have to do this and that for us. We will never be happy this way. We can’t have a good and lasting marriage either. We are searching happiness in a place where we won’t find it ever.

God is love. And he made us by his own image. This image of God in us derives its characters from him. So, if God is love, we are created to love others not only to be loved only. Marriage goes same way. It is not about what you get, it is about what you give. You made a commitment at the beginning, to love and take care of your spouse, for better or for worse. This is entirely giving. And that is what the foundation of marriage lies; giving, providing, loving and caring.